Twenty Sixteen

So, it's been a year since I blogged. I think about this ol' thing all the time and frequently tell myself that I should write something, but then I try to think about what to write. I don't know. I don't want to talk about my kids too much on the internet. I don't want to talk about my job too much on the internet. I don't want to talk about my family too much on the internet. So... not much left, eh?

The kids are good. David is 5 and Ryan is 2. Here are a few things I want to remember about them right now:

David:

• Loves preschool (He goes 2 times a week)
• Is very smart 
• Still in the 97% for height
• His passion for lawn care is still #1. He says he's going to be a "mowing guy" when he grows up
• Very sensitive and caring which also means he easily feels slighted and takes what people say about him very seriously (he is me, in child form)
• Still naps
• Loves to watch movies and is showing interest in video games
• Decided he was done sucking his fingers one day and never looked back
• Would choose to be playing outside over anything else in the world

Ryan: 

• Still looks like a baby
• Just started developing his vocabulary and his voice might be the most adorable thing I've ever heard
• Very much in love with is lovey blankets and paci's
• Refuses to eat nearly everything (I am not joking. The kid is surviving on milk and air)
• An early riser and sometimes bad napper, but never lets it show in his attitude. He's almost always happy
• But when he's not.... watch your back
• My favorite Ryan words right now: "yah yoo" (Love you), "minkles" (Sprinkles...we put them on his food when we get desperate..heh), "what you doin?", "Miss Kaw-wee" (Miss Kerri, our nanny), "Day-id" (David), "Go bye bye", "jammies"
• He calls us "mommy" and "daddy" for the most part, but has started saying "mom" and "dad" a lot too. Sad. 
• Has stick straight, soft as silk hair and we are letting it get a little shaggy because it's adorable and he loves to shake it around

Work is OK. I've been traveling a lot. This year I visited, Vegas (twice), Dallas (twice), Chicago (twice), Columbus OH, Orlando and Springfield MO. In the next three months I already have trips booked to South Dakota, Orlando, NYC and Dallas, but many other cities are on the radar! I work from home twice a week so I'm getting a lot more time at the house and with the kids since my commute is an hour each way when I go to the office. Can't complain! 

Family is... well we are hanging in there. I still mostly feel like I'm living some sort of bad dream that refuses to end. Instead of the days getting better, it seems to get worse as reality sets in. I've been seeing a grief counselor every few weeks and it seems to help a tiny bit. I'm trying to stay as active as I can and keep busy. Everyone says I need to "take some time for myself" but whenever I do that I just feel even worse. So, busy it is. Zach's coming with me to NYC in February so once I get over the fear of leaving my children at home without us for 5 days, it should be good to get away for a bit. 

I'd say I'm glad 2016 is behind us, but what's a year anyway? It's just a date. We aren't going to wake up on Sunday and be cured of all our woes. I guess I'm just kind of a grinch about it, but it is what it is. Don't get me wrong, I'm hopeful that next year is "better" but I'm trying not to wait for a specific day for things to get better. I try to do it every day. Some go better than others. 

Onward...

When the world doesn't end

Hi! Hello! Welcome 2016, I've been waiting for you.

2015 is a year I was very happy leave behind. That's putting it mildly.

I keep typing out all the bad stuff that happened but it's too depressing and whiney and complainy.  But basically I suffered with a bit of postpartum depression and anxiety, was laid off, my house flooded, my mom got cancer, my mom got even worse cancer, my brother came thisclose to death, Zachs dad got really sick, I didn't get any jobs, I got a job I hated, the 3 year old was especially three, the baby hated eating and sleeping and it felt like my entire life was tornado-ed up and spit me out into a whole other life I had no idea what to do with. It was kind of bad, you guys.

But some good stuff happened too:

-We thought we were going to lose our in-home babysitter when she decided to close, but instead she became our nanny and our boys are loved and thriving and learning so much.
-We got to completely remodel our home and it looks pretty great if I do say so myself.
-I had an entire summer to take care of myself and spend time with the boys. I got to go running nearly every morning and spend precious time with the boys whenever I wanted. I took them to do fun stuff and spent some good time at the lake.
-Zach got a new job. One that basically fell into his lap and he loves it and he feels important and useful and it's finally something he's always wanted to do. It couldn't have come at a better time and allowed me to relax a little as my job search was really wearing me thin.
-I got a job that while I didn't really enjoy, let me ease back into working and feel a little better about life and money and all that.
-Ryan eats and drinks and sleeps so much better. He's happy all the time and a lovey little joy. He's been the light through this all.
-David is coming out of the terrible three's (I think) and he blows us away on a daily basis with how much he knows and has learned. He's no longer as shy and wants to be friends with everyone he meets.
-My mom got news that her cancer is shrinking and she's been a complete and total rock-star through all her treatments. Never missing a beat through the holidays and everything.
-Zach's dad was just released from the hospital after being on life-support just weeks earlier and continues to gain strength daily.
-I got another new job, one I've been gunning for since June. The stars finally aligned and I'll be starting in less than two weeks. I will get to work in an amazing culture with amazing benefits, get to travel a bit, do fun stuff all the time and make a real impact on the community. I can also take my dog (or kid) to work if I want! I'm so excited to start this journey!

So there. 2015. It was a rough 11 months but it ended pretty spectacularly. Looking forward to you, 2016.

Bye!