Twenty Sixteen

So, it's been a year since I blogged. I think about this ol' thing all the time and frequently tell myself that I should write something, but then I try to think about what to write. I don't know. I don't want to talk about my kids too much on the internet. I don't want to talk about my job too much on the internet. I don't want to talk about my family too much on the internet. So... not much left, eh?

The kids are good. David is 5 and Ryan is 2. Here are a few things I want to remember about them right now:

David:

• Loves preschool (He goes 2 times a week)
• Is very smart 
• Still in the 97% for height
• His passion for lawn care is still #1. He says he's going to be a "mowing guy" when he grows up
• Very sensitive and caring which also means he easily feels slighted and takes what people say about him very seriously (he is me, in child form)
• Still naps
• Loves to watch movies and is showing interest in video games
• Decided he was done sucking his fingers one day and never looked back
• Would choose to be playing outside over anything else in the world

Ryan: 

• Still looks like a baby
• Just started developing his vocabulary and his voice might be the most adorable thing I've ever heard
• Very much in love with is lovey blankets and paci's
• Refuses to eat nearly everything (I am not joking. The kid is surviving on milk and air)
• An early riser and sometimes bad napper, but never lets it show in his attitude. He's almost always happy
• But when he's not.... watch your back
• My favorite Ryan words right now: "yah yoo" (Love you), "minkles" (Sprinkles...we put them on his food when we get desperate..heh), "what you doin?", "Miss Kaw-wee" (Miss Kerri, our nanny), "Day-id" (David), "Go bye bye", "jammies"
• He calls us "mommy" and "daddy" for the most part, but has started saying "mom" and "dad" a lot too. Sad. 
• Has stick straight, soft as silk hair and we are letting it get a little shaggy because it's adorable and he loves to shake it around

Work is OK. I've been traveling a lot. This year I visited, Vegas (twice), Dallas (twice), Chicago (twice), Columbus OH, Orlando and Springfield MO. In the next three months I already have trips booked to South Dakota, Orlando, NYC and Dallas, but many other cities are on the radar! I work from home twice a week so I'm getting a lot more time at the house and with the kids since my commute is an hour each way when I go to the office. Can't complain! 

Family is... well we are hanging in there. I still mostly feel like I'm living some sort of bad dream that refuses to end. Instead of the days getting better, it seems to get worse as reality sets in. I've been seeing a grief counselor every few weeks and it seems to help a tiny bit. I'm trying to stay as active as I can and keep busy. Everyone says I need to "take some time for myself" but whenever I do that I just feel even worse. So, busy it is. Zach's coming with me to NYC in February so once I get over the fear of leaving my children at home without us for 5 days, it should be good to get away for a bit. 

I'd say I'm glad 2016 is behind us, but what's a year anyway? It's just a date. We aren't going to wake up on Sunday and be cured of all our woes. I guess I'm just kind of a grinch about it, but it is what it is. Don't get me wrong, I'm hopeful that next year is "better" but I'm trying not to wait for a specific day for things to get better. I try to do it every day. Some go better than others. 

Onward...

David is Three!

This past weekend my sweet baby David turned three years old. I can't believe it! Two was such a good year. I have high hopes for three.

Currently Loves:
-Tractors
-Trucks
-Mowers
-All things lawn care
-Trains
-Fruit Snacks
-Apple Juice
-Wearing "comfy pants"
-The moon
-Papa's Lake House
-Pajamas
-"Hanging out all night" (staying home from daycare)
-Hayrides
-Flashlights
-Breadsticks with dip-sauce
-Playing outside with the kids
-Riding in his Jeep
-Bounce Houses
-The Zoo
-Crazy socks
-His brother Ryan

Current Dislikes:
-Making decisions
-Brushing teeth
-The "Happy Birthday" song
-Singing in general
-Walking up the stairs on his own
-Dinnertime
-Making decisions
-Talking to people he doesn't know
-Having his picture taken
-Vegetables
- Potty training
-Making decisions (no, really)

Overall he's a sweet, shy, smart, spunky little thing and I love him to the moon and back. This is going to be a big year for him. He's adjusting to being a big brother and not the only child. It's hard on him, I can tell, but he'll get there. He's also going to start preschool in the fall and I think it's going To be so good for him. He's so eager to learn things right now and has the most logical mind. The questions he asks blow our mind on a daily basis. I can't wait to see what this year has in store.
 

Happy Birthday, Muffin Man! I love you!

Ryan's Birth Story

This is ridiculously long, but I wanted to be sure to document Ryan’s birth story so I can remember it.

My due date was September 27^th. I was absolutely convinced this baby would be coming early, so imagine my surprise when I finished my last day at work on the 26^th. It was probably around that time that I started “early labor”. I couldn’t exactly explain it, but I just didn’t feel right. I wasn’t having painful contractions, but I was absolutely uncomfortable.  I only stayed a little bit that day and headed home to take my seat in the recliner and wait things out. I was pretty disappointed it hadn’t happened yet.

At my last appointment my doctor scheduled me for an induction the morning of October 2. It was both really exciting and a little depressing. Going into labor spontaneously with David was probably one of the most exciting moments of my life, so I was hoping for a repeat.

That weekend was miserable. I was so uncomfortable and so tired, but made myself keep doing things. We took David to Oktoberfest in Downtown Lee’s Summit Friday night which totally about did me in! Something that really surprised me was how awful I truly felt the further along I became. Every day I would think there’s no way I could feel any worse and then the next day I would absolutely feel even more terrible. Saturday (my due date) we took David to a birthday party across the street and everyone was shocked to see me there. Yep, still pregnant!!  I don’t really remember doing much else that weekend. I was hot and just wanted to try to rest and be comfortable. Sunday night we did watch the Royals clinch the wild card and that was pretty darn exciting!

Monday I decided to kick off my maternity leave with some shopping and walking around. I went to about 4 stores and then just couldn’t take it anymore. Walking was so painful and I was exhausted. I headed home, took a nap and then picked David up from the sitter. I noticed this day that I started having some bathroom issues that were….questionable and indicated that perhaps things were getting going. The Chiefs were playing Monday Night Football and Zach was working the game. I went into labor with David the day after a Chiefs Monday Night game so I was thinking it would be cool if we could repeat! While watching the game I noticed I was having contractions. They weren’t super painful or anything but I could tell they were more than the Braxton Hicks I was feeling. My parents offered to come pick up David but I said no, it was likely nothing. I couldn’t even really time them. Well, the Chiefs won and I went to bed and the contractions totally stopped.

Tuesday I got up and hung around the house. I sat in the recliner and watched TV and was having contractions again. This time they started to hurt. I was timing them and some got as close as 6 minutes apart but then others were up to 12-15 minutes apart. I took a shower and everything stopped as I was drying my hair. I was so disappointed. I decided to go get a pedicure and some ice cream. The pedicure was awful, they didn’t even scrub my feet! I was getting really mad but did notice I was having a few contractions here and there. I was massively uncomfortable and was mad at myself for wasting the money. My Sheridans concrete on the other hand, was freaking fantastic. I got home and contractions started again. They weren’t super close together, but they were getting really painful.  I picked David up from daycare and ordered pizza for dinner. Delivery even because the thought of doing anything more than opening the door and getting out a couple plates was more than I could handle.  Zach worked a little later than normal that night and by the time he got home I was in a horrible mood and had just HAD IT. 

We turned on the Royals game as they were playing their wild card game and it was all anyone could talk about. Around this time I noticed I felt like I was needing to go to the bathroom a lot. I didn’t feel like my water had broken like it had with David, but I still felt a little tiny bit leaky. At the same time my contractions were picking back up and were about 6-8 minutes apart. As Zach was giving David a bath I decided to have my parents come pick him up and we should go get checked out. I was 95% positive that we’d be sent home and I felt stupid even calling the doctor, but she said to come in (the same doctor that delivered David!). My parents got here at 8:30pm and I thought David would get upset about having my parents come get him, but he seemed excited to go, so that made me feel a lot better. The drive to the hospital was alright. My neighbor totally saw us leaving and got really excited. Ha! The drive to the hospital was pretty calm. We listened to the Royals game and I kept telling Zach he didn’t’ have to drive so fast. I had 4 contractions on the way there. They were about 6 minutes apart and REALLY hurt, but I was able to get through them alright and still thought we’d be sent home.

Once at the hospital they brought us back to a room and everyone we talked to was sure we were staying even before checking me out. Apparently if you waltz into the hospital after your due date they just go ahead and keep you. Oh. OK.  They did a quick test for my water and it was “faintly positive” so they started admitting me at 9pm. After about an hour I got up to use the rest room and my water definitely broke. At the same time I had my first very intense contraction that lasted over a minute. I couldn’t talk through it and it really hurt. They noticed my blood pressure was very high at this point too. The nurse chalked it up to being nervous but I normally have pretty low blood pressure so I was a little concerned. The doctor finally came and was even more concerned because there was also protein in my urine. She diagnosed me with preeclampsia and mentioned I’d be starting some medicine after I delivered. I was bummed, but didn’t think much about it at that point, figuring delivery was ‘the cure’.

I told Zach he could turn on the TV to watch the Royals game. All the nurses were talking about it and I was curious what was going on too. Several people asked if we were at the game and I mostly just looked at them like they were insane. Around this time my contractions started getting SUPER painful. I couldn’t talk through them. I couldn’t do anything besides try to stay calm. Zach kept offering for me to squeeze his hand, but that made it worse, all I wanted to do was relax everything I had control of relaxing. The nurse said I could get the epidural anytime I wanted and I remember saying “yeah, might as well, this is stupid” ha! 

At 11:30 the anesthesiologist placed the epidural and it started working really fast. I was really trying to focus on the Royals game but I could hardly keep my eyes open and forming clear thoughts was out the window. I noticed they kept mentioning how low my blood pressure suddenly was and kept checking lots of stuff. They started me on some oxygen. After a few minutes I mentioned that the right side of my face felt droopy and my eye was blurry. I also was noticing my arm was numb. That alarmed the anesthesiologist quite a bit and they turned down the epidural and leaned me over to the left with some pillows. At 11:57pm the Royals won (Zach kept detailed notes for me, lol!) and everyone was really excited. I was all “Hello! Having a baby over here!!”  They finally got the epidural about right but the anesthesiologist stayed in the room and kept a pretty close watch on me because my blood pressure was still pretty low.

I was very much looking forward that glorious epidural nap and was feeling very comfortable when the doctor came in to check me. She announced that I was complete and ready to push. WHAT?! So they got everything ready and I started pushing. With David I had an overwhelming urge to push, not so much this time. I could barely feel contractions and had to force myself to push with them. I could tell the baby was still really high and had a bad feeling I’d be pushing for a long time again.  I pushed and pushed and pushed. Around 12:40am the nurse called everyone in to prep for delivery! I got really excited thinking it was almost over! The room flooded with people and I pushed and pushed some more.  Then…. Everyone started leaving. One by one. This really discouraged me and I got really frustrated. I knew I had lots more work to do. More pushing and pushing and pushing. I was getting really frustrated but finally started making some progress once I could feel the contractions more.

Finally I felt the head start to come down. This is a feeling I could never describe. All I know is that I NEEDED THE BABY OUT NOW. I started kind of freaking out and saying “someone needs to get the baby out now. Get it out now” over and over again. Zach kept telling me that it was going to happen but I was totally kind of freaking out at this point.  A few more pushes and the head was out! I wanted to keep pushing but they made me stop to suction him out. Then finally I was able to push him all the way out.

They lifted him up but I couldn’t see the goods. I hollered at Zach “what is it!?” and after what felt like a thousand years he said “It’s a boy!” I knew it!!!! I was so incredibly relieved to have him out. Everyone kept saying “wow that’s a big baby!!” He actually didn’t feel as heavy as David did when they put him on my chest but he had some shoulder rolls and the chubbiest cheeks! After they wiped him up a bit they took him over to be weighed and measured. 9lbs 7oz, 21 inches long. I guess he was a big baby!!! Everyone was also quite impressed with all his hair! I thought he was super cute and I was so happy to finally have him here!

After delivery they noticed that I was bleeding quite a bit more than they like to see. It freaked me out quite a bit because I could feel it gushing out at points. After lots and lots of painful pushing on my stomach they felt like it was under control. At this point they also let me know I was going to have to start a 24 hour round of a magnesium drip for the preeclampsia. I was told that I’d be stuck in bed the entire time and of the side effects which included feeling very hot, extreme muscle weakness, blurred vision, slurred speech, confusion and nausea. Oh yay! It started to take effect pretty quick and by far the most annoying part was the muscle weakness. I couldn’t even move my leg and I was horribly, horribly, horribly uncomfortable in the hospital bed. I was hooked up to so many different monitors and was being pumped full of fluid, I was miserable.

They continued to watch my bleeding and it wasn’t getting better. The nurse seemed really concerned and left to go talk to the doctor, mentioning surgery is a possibility.  She came back and said they were going to try an injection first. This should help the bleeding but came with a risk of horrible bathroom issues as a side effect. Seeing as how I couldn’t get out of bed this was really concerning for me. I avoided eating to help minimize my risk and luckily nothing ever happened. But it all certainly made for a pretty miserable first 24 hours. I only let my parents, David and my brother come see me. I felt so out of it all day and had trouble even answering questions at points. I was really upset that I didn’t get to be more involved with David meeting his brother and it’s all kind of a foggy memory at this point and I’m a little upset that I don’t remember much of that first day, but at least we are both healthy now.

We stayed in the hospital 3 days because of the preeclampsia. It was a better experience than with David, we had consistent nurses and they pretty much left us alone aside from helping when I asked them and the occasional check in.  We headed home on Friday and things have been a little crazy ever since. David is adjusting but I can tell he misses being the center of all my attention and it breaks my heart a little bit. Luckily he adores Ryan and is always very gentle and loving toward him.

So, here we go. Our family is complete and I’m looking forward to getting out of the newborn fog (it’s not my favorite phase quite honestly) and getting into our family of four routine. Should be a fun ride!  

Baby Two ~ 35 Weeks

 

 

How Far Along:  35 Weeks - Baby feels long! 

Boy or Girl: It's a toss up! 

Maternity Clothes: I thought maternity clothes were expensive and then I bought a couple new nursing tops. Good lord!!!

Sleep:Still doing ok for the most part, even with this cold. I definitely get up every hour to use the bathroom and get a drink though. I get so thirsty at night!

Best Moment: We had a good weekend. Friday night we all went out to dinner at Chili's and just hung out at home. Saturday I went to church with David and my parents and then out for Mexican at Kokopelli. Trying to get in all the out to eats that we can because neither Zach or I are big on taking babies out to eat. No thanks. 

Worst Moment: I have been sick since Saturday night. I guess it's just a cold, but it is completely knocking me out. I can hardly breathe, my throat is scratchy and I have an on and off cough. Plus I'm straight up exhausted and weak. I even spiked a low fever on Monday that kind of freaked me out but luckily went away quickly. I keep hoping that I will wake up feeling better, but so far, no luck. Plus I'm also suffering from some other not so fun pregnancy issues and I'm just kind of over this week. It's been a rough one, that is for sure.

Miss Anything: Breathing. I really, really miss breathing.

Movement:This one mostly moves in the evening and at night. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle. Doctor has confirmed that baby is still head down so I'm pretty sure I feel a knee or foot poking out on the left side a lot. Baby also seems to be a lot more sensitive to sound and will go crazy if there's a loud noise.

Cravings: Oh, ice cream. This week has been all about the ice cream. And still lemonade.  

Aversions: Definitely ground beef. I also found a new one, jelly. I've been eating lots of peanut butter toast but I decided to make a PB&J for lunch over the weekend and ewwwww, I hated the jelly! So random!

Oh, I remember this: David had the hiccups a ton, ever since I felt him start to move. This one has hardly had the hiccups at all, until this week. Now it's all the time! And it's not short little bursts, they just go on and on. I even feel them when I wake up at night!

Well this is new: I've been woken up at night with some cramping a few times this week. I'm guessing they are intense braxton hicks or actual contractions. It's not terribly painful, so I know it's nothing much, but it's still kind of alarming at 3 in the morning.

Looking forward to: Definitely looking forward to feeling better. I am also going to dinner with Erica, who is due the same week as me tomorrow, so that will be fun. This weekend I hope to finish EVERYTHING in the nursery and pack my hospital bag and David's overnight bag for Grandma and Papa's.

How's David:  He has been extra, super cuddly lately. He always wants to be near me and sit with me and I can't complain. I'm trying to soak up the cuddles while I can. He has also been very willing to help me out and has been fetching kleenex and my water for me all week. I always let him grab something to eat on the 1 minute car ride (literally) to the babysitters and he always asks me if he can get me something. My purse is full of granola bars that he insists I take. He notices when I'm sore and uncomfortable and whenever I pick him up after work he asks me "how you feel mom?" and if I say I need to sit down for a little bit he will ask "baby hurting mom?"  He's so sweet. 

In other news, I had my first internal exam and I'm 1cm dialated already, but I know that means nothing. I walked around at a 2 with David for 3 weeks before he was born. I start weekly appointments now so we'll see what's up next week. 

And as promised, here's Zach's predictions for baby!

-Baby will be born on September 16 (11 days early)

-My water will break at work just like it did with David

-Baby will be a girl! 

-Lots of black hair

-8 pounds 6 ounces

We shall see very shortly.....

Baby Two ~ 25 Weeks

How Far Along:  25 weeks – baby is the size of a cauliflower  

Boy or Girl: Have been having more girl thoughts this week, but in the end, I still think I will have a boy.

Maternity Clothes: My favorite things right now are my comfy cotton shorts and basic maternity tank tops. I would do many things to be able to wear them to work…  

Sleep: I took half a Tylenol PM the other night and slept like I was dead. It was glorious! Then the next night I was up all night long with leg pain. So, it’s hit or miss still. I definitely wake up at least 3-4 times a night to use the bathroom though. Poor Missy, she must be so annoyed with me. She gets up every time I do. Loyal, that one. (Zach sleeps through everything…)

Best Moment: Had a good appointment today. Everything is chugging along, right on track (I still can’t believe I measured right on track, I feel so huge!). Fingers crossed I passed the glucose test! I celebrated taking it and getting my TDAP vaccine with a giant Chipotle burrito. It was delish!  We also had a good weekend with GREAT weather and lots of outside time.

Worst Moment: The night with no sleep was pretty brutal. So was the following day.

Miss Anything: As usual, energy. I miss energy so much.

Movement: Lots of visible movement from the outside! I was waiting for my glucose blood draw and the kid was going wild! My belly was wiggling all over the place!

Cravings: Ice cream. Cheese. Cold drinks. I would seriously LOVE a sangria right now…

Aversions: Same ol, same ol…. Ground Beef. Fast food. I also haven’t been into fruit much lately, which is strange.

Oh, I remember this: I hate being outside in the heat when I’m pregnant. It is an instant sweat-fest of misery. Unfortunately David insists on going outside, all the time. I think it’s good for kids to be outside as much as possible so I suffer through, but I am not necessarily pleasant about it. I’m about to take our big floor fan out there with me. Not even kidding.

Well this is new: With David I was On. Top. Of. It. I knew every date coming up, I had lists, I had all my paperwork ready to go. I was prepared! This time things keep sneaking up on me!! I just realized that my FMLA paperwork is due in a week and I hadn’t even thought about it, let alone told HR that I was pregnant. Oops. I frequently have to look at my baby app to remember what week I’m on and I haven’t even really thought of the logistics of our hospital stay. Eh. I’ll figure it all out at some point I guess. My laid-backness is kind of alarming me.

Looking forward to: David has swim lessons this week. He pretty much hated it last night but being in the water with him felt SO good. Hoping he warms up to it soon… I need to find someone with a pool, stat! 

David. Two and a half.

David is two and a half years old now. It’s a great age! He amazes us every day. He’s getting so smart, so funny, so opinionated, so sensitive and so so fun.

He seems to learn a hundred new things a day. Often times he’ll just start spouting things off leaving Zach and I to look at each other and ask “where did he learn that?!” Much like the time I was getting his room ready for bed two months ago only to come out and find him using drumsticks to drum on the couch while saying his entire ABC’s with no help whatsoever. Just started saying the ABC’s like it was no big thing.  He can also count to ten and tries to go higher. He knows most of his colors but is stubborn about telling you what they are. Everything is usually green when you ask him, but if he’s just talking on his own he can usually get them right.  He identifies different shapes including triangles, rectangles and even diamonds.   He makes up songs, but gets embarrassed when I catch him singing. His favorite little kid songs are “Old MacDonald” and “Itsy Bitsy Spider”.  He doesn’t watch a whole lot of TV but his favorite shows are Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Super Why. He’s starting to follow along during the episodes and will try to “figure it out” along with the characters.

He has two most favorite things in life. They are tractors and weed-eaters. Mowers are pretty up there as well. Everything he touches (EVERYTHING) is a weed-eater. He will spend hours upon hours blowing raspberries and weed-eating everything in sight. He’s sure to follow right along the edge of whatever he’s weed-eating too, just like the pros. His favorite tractor is the excavator and he can spot one a mile away. Often times we are driving along and he’ll suddenly exclaim “look at that excavator mom!!” and sure enough, there’s a little speck of an excavator way over in the distance. A few months ago there was one parked behind my parents house so he’s pretty convinced Papa has an excavator. It’s just parked in the barn right now.  His and Zach’s favorite thing to do is ride on the tractor (riding lawn mower). They usually head out for a short ride every night when Zach gets home from work. He’s going to remember those rides for the rest of his life and I kind of love that.

His vocabulary is enormous. It doesn’t take him any time to learn new words and he properly says almost everything. He is definitely a chatter box and loves to have conversations about everything. “whats this mom” is likely his most common phrase. Speaking of mom, he almost always calls me “Mom” and Zach is usually “Daddy”. Mommy only comes out when he’s upset or trying to be funny. Mama is long gone.  He loves helping around the house and especially likes to cook. Using the mixer is always exciting and he is an excellent stirrer. We make pancakes frequently and he knows most of the ingredients and makes sure I don’t forget anything! He also loves to pretend to make “hot coffee” all the time.

He’s very sensitive and has started to show concern for me when he thinks I’m hurt or sick. Once I had a little scrape on my foot and he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw it to check on it and ask me if I needed a bandaid, very, very worried that I was truly hurt. He knows that my “bad leg” bothers me a lot right now and once when I was sitting in the chair he came over and said “I’m gonna take off the hurt part” and pretended to pick it off and gently patted my leg before asking “feel better mom?” I almost died.  He’s extremely friendly but shy at the same time. He loves saying “hi” to everyone we walk past but if someone else says hello to him first he totally clams up. He loves being around other kids, but tends to hang back and observe very carefully before jumping in to play.

Along with all the adorableness and cute comes the tantrums. They’ve really picked up in the past couple weeks, but like everything, I know it’s just a phase.  Mostly he wants to do the opposite of everything, all the time. If I ask him what he wants to eat, you can be guaranteed that I will make it and he will immediately cry for the other option.  He’s a picky eater and I literally never know what he will choose to eat on any given day. I’ve stopped making him special meals though. He either eats or doesn’t.  The one thing he will always want is fruit snacks. And apple juice.

He’s still a big sleeper. He goes to bed at 8 and sleeps until 7:30 most days. He will usually still take a 2 hour nap as well. Daycare says he sometimes doesn’t sleep, but will still lie down and rest. We’ve experimented with no naps a couple of times and it always ends in disaster. He needs his sleep. He’s in a big boy bed now and we’ve had exactly zero issues with it. I know it’s only a matter of time before he realizes he can get out at will, but so far he’s perfectly content to stay in there.

As far as the baby goes, I’m just not sure he gets it. I always tell him that the baby is in there and if I’m wearing a tighter shirt he will ask if that’s the baby. The crib is set up in the other room and I frequently tell him the baby will sleep in there. He seems OK with it so far. Whenever I ask him if I’m having a boy or a girl he always says girl but when I ask if he wants a brother or sister he will say “I want a Sam!” (my nephew). Whenever we talk about babies he says “it probably cries”.  Daycare says he is very, very good with the baby there and will frequently bring him toys to play with and will show him how they work and play with him. So, I’ll take that as good sign…

I really love this age though. It is so much fun to see what he does or says next. I can't help but feel a little sad knowing that we only have just a few short months left with him being my only baby. I am trying to soak up every single little second with him this summer, dubbing it "the summer of David". Even though I'd love to park it on the couch and stay there I am doing my best to get up and out with him as much as I can. I was so happy when I got pregnant that I was due at the end of the summer so I can really just enjoy this time with David. I know it's going to be a huge adjustment for all of us when the baby comes, especially David, but as they say - a sibling is the best gift you can give your child, so here goes nothing.

Love that muffin.