Pregnancy - Weeks 4-6

(I've been keeping a journal about my pregnancy since I found out.  Thought I'd share..) 

Written Week 6

Oh pregnancy, what a funny thing.  My entire life I’ve dreamed of being pregnant. No really, my entire life.  Now that I’m here, well, let’s just say reality is a wee bit different than what I had painted in my mind.

The first week was pretty ok.  I definitely felt “weird”. However, I think a lot of that was nerves.  Oh my, the nerves. I was so paranoid. I took a pregnancy test approximately every other day just to help calm myself down.  But other than that, I was good. Bloated beyond belief, but good. 

Around week 5 all the symptoms started to hit and have remained. The first was exhaustion. Holy lord, the exhaustion.  Just the simple act of walking from my bus stop to my office took every ounce of my willpower and strength. I seriously have not been this tired since I had mono in college. I currently go to bed around 9 or 9:30 (after probably dozing a few times on the couch) and have to force myself out of bed at 6 (or 5 if I'm feeling up to taking the bus).  On the weekends, I get up and feed the dogs then go back to bed until at least 10 and take a good two or three hour nap sometime during the day.  Getting through the day at work is rough.  I gave up caffeine cold turkey when I found out (which is why I had been trying to wean myself off it for the past few months) so without my fizzies I had nothing.  I frequently have to get up and take little walks just to keep my wits about me.  I’m so tired at the end of the day I have been known to stop mid-walk and break down in tears. Totally cool.

Next up, nausea! While I have not full on puked, I constantly feel disgusting. So gross. The thought of food is just not something I care to think about, however if I get so much as the tiniest bit hungry, it gets a thousand times worse! I do my best to snack throughout the day, but it’s a chore and I hate it. Mostly I feel bad from about 7am until 5pm.  So, my entire work day. How convenient! I feel alright once I get home and have dinner, but then start feeling a little queasy again around bedtime.  I’m managing though.  Mints and lemonade seem to help.  Oh! And guess what my ONE aversion is so far?  Sugar!  SUGAR.  Can you even believe it?!  The girl with the worlds biggest sweet tooth doesn’t want sugar?! Honestly, it’s rather upsetting.  I just want to take solace in a slice of cake or cup of ice cream. However, the thought of it makes my mouth taste bad.

Then there’s the bloat.  It. Is. Ridiculous.  NONE of my pants fit correctly. None of them.  However I am so afraid of jinxing myself that I flat out refuse to go buy a belly band or heaven forbid, maternity pants until I have heard a heartbeat and know for sure that this is really happening.  Oh yeah, did I mention, we don’t get an ultrasound until 10 weeks! TEN WEEKS!!  I had my first appointment at 6 weeks and it was just the standard work-up. Four weeks of waiting and praying and hoping and worrying.  It’s awesome.  So yeah, I look super fat.  People at work are definitely giving me the side-eye. We don’t plan on sharing our news until 14 weeks, but I honestly have no idea how that’s going to happen.  Someone is going to figure this out!

Mostly though, it’s the worry.  I try my best to stay positive.  I make it a point to tell myself daily that  the odds are in our favor, my doctor sees no reason to worry. So far everything is pretty normal and status quo. So I just have to believe that my body is doing what it’s supposed to do and in three excruciatingly long weeks we’ll see the bambino and know for sure what’s going on.

I thank my lucky stars every day that I'm pregnant and I am so happy to be having a baby. I would do all of this a thousand times over for a little one. I know this whole entry seems complain-y but I really am so thankful right now.